Sagittarius SZN. Attracted to a dark kind beauty. The fierce archer hunting for truth and knowledge. A sun sign. Independence. Spirit Seeker. Restless. Leader. Chyron, like from Song of Achillies. A sophisticated order, a beautiful outfit. Ruled by Jupiter. A fire sign. Hunting to Harvest.
“I don't know, something just kind of came over me and I was dressing in these beautiful clothes and I thought, ‘I don't want to compete with the clothes. I'm not trying to be the prettiest girl in the room. I feel like it's just freedom. It's a release.”
-Pam Anderson
People in my life tell me all the time I'm fixated on my age, and honestly I am. However, It’s not what they think. It's not the vanity of thinking I’m old, it's the lived experiences. I'm fascinated by the exact time that I’ve gotten to be alive. There is such an immense before and after of personal creativity and for lack of better worlds having a cool factor between Gen X, Millennial and Gen Z. This is why the focus of my content going forward is through the lens of the Elder Millennial.
For the elder gay millennial our journey has been tumultuous. We were born during the AIDS crisis. In elementary school we were writing to soldiers in the Gulf War. Our minds and personalities marinated in a time before the internet, in a time curated by mixtapes, Nancy regan’s sex ed and magazines. I was forced to develop a fashion sense somewhere between the mall and a local thrift store. My walls were covered in magazine clipping to keep me inspired and remind me of the world outside of my 52 acres. I developed an urgency to love from Tori Amos lyrics and Jordan Catalano’s sultry eyes. My first concert was the Spice Girls and that was the same year I got my first email address (Yellowlavalamp@hotmail.com.) I lost my virginity to a girl to Erykah Badu’s Baduizm and Sarah McLaughlin’s Fumbling Towards Ecstasy to a boy -both of times wearing silver tab Levi’s. Matthew Shepard was brutally murdered. I met boy’s, dads and middle aged women in chat rooms all while lying and testing out my fantasies. We escaped long distance calls with AIM (@shaindoll) and we were able to keep in touch with the boys we met at the debate club tournaments. Queer as Folk inspired me to eat my boyfriend's ass and Will and Grace taught me the basics of being a narcissist. Queer was almost ok, but still soaked in shame. Then three months after receiving my diploma the twin towers fell. All that being said the elder queer millennial is fucking specific. I used my creativity to fight boredom and propel myself forward. I even went to an art college. We loved music because we had to pay for it, we loved connection because it was spontaneous, we loved an image in a magazine because it was one of the only “feeds” we had. I created because I was equally scared and excited for a shiny new future. I made art to find an outlet for trauma.
Somewhere between then and now I stopped being creative. I was too busy trying to figure out a career path. Well, now I have a career and I feel called to create again. I never had a safety net, the only person who could help me was me.
I desperately feel called to create. Like I did in my bedroom in 1998. I want to share my experience and bring myself back to being the boy in the 90’s with a head full of ideas. I've had such a wild ride in the beauty industry and it has sat me in some fabulous clothing at some amazing tables. In college I wanted to be a magazine editor, back then we had no clue that everyone would be their own brand in 2023. I recently heard this fabulous quote from Pam Anderson from a Vogue get ready with me that really hit home - “I’m not trying to be the prettiest girl in the room.” I felt so much freedom in that quote. I took it as being able to focus on other things because I’m confident in the way I look. I’m not saying I stopped caring about my appearance, I take great pride in how I present myself. But I'm no longer trying to seduce everyone I meet. I'm enough FOR ME. Honestly, I'm in my Daddy Era and I feel prime as fuck. But trying to not age is just going to set you up for disappointment. Aging is spectacular and we should never forget that we are fortunate to experience it. I want to use my charisma and creativity to help bring other gay men along with me on the journey. Using my expertise, trauma (lol) and personal style to help them feel THEIR best on THEIR journey. An example of this is creating content. I stopped for a long time because I could look at my own face. It made me feel bad about myself. I looked different than the bright “young” things of tiktok. But the thing is that there is enough room for all of us. When I look for inspiration I don't see a lot of 35+ people creating, and honestly a lot of them are in perfect physical shape, ridiculously handsome and genuinely always shirtless. Which is hot and like I said before, needed. SO often we talk shit on social media but it's not going anywhere and neither is the influencer. But WE can change the source of the influence we are digesting. Together we can lube up social media and all run a train on it.
A breakdown of my Social Media moving forward.
Substack -this is my most personal platform. Essays and recommendations.
Spotify- Mixtapes. Each month I will make you a playlist. Except this month LOL
Pinterest- My bedroom walls. Inspiration and calling vibes in
IG- @shainoffools pages of my personal magazine @shainxmakeup work stuff
TikTok- Beauty and style content
CHECK OUT MY SAGITTARIUS SZN MOOD BOARD on Pinterest
“Men hate my outfits. They’re so mad that I’m not like how I was on Uncut Gems.‘I hear that all the time, but I don’t care…because the girls love it. The girls and the gays love it!”
-Julia Fox
READING: Down the Drain- Julia Fox. This was brilliant. She has had a wild and amazing life. Very messy and true to the cool girl 90’s and early 2000’s dark glamour. This is for the bad kid’s who were just born with an IT factor. She was blazingly honest about sex and sexual abuse, feelings, drugs- SO MUCH DRUG USE (the good and the bad.) This is the story of turning survival into drive. Some pretty horrible things have happened to this woman and not once in this book did you feel like she was looking for pity, she was just sharing her strength with you because she knew she had some to spare. Very elder millennial vibes
WATCHING: Tore on Netflix. This is the story of a beautiful young gay man dealing with impossible hardships. Losing both his parents and trying to find out who he is in his new world. This is a Sweedish show but it has some of the best English dubs I’ve ever heard. Being able to feel anger for a character who make poor choices constantly while having the empathy to understand why they did it it a beautiful experience. The dark comedy is also genius and the acting is exceptional. I haven’t heard anyone talk about this show, Mikey and I just stumbled on it. We watched all six episodes in one binge.
“I am thinking of beauty again, how some things are hunted because we have deemed them beautiful. If, relative to the history of our planet, an individual life is so short, a blink, as they say, then to be gorgeous, even from the day you're born to the day you die, is to be gorgeous only briefly.”
-Ocean Vuong
DOING: Bridget Everett and the Tender Moments at Joe’s Pubs. I think after this show I am carrying Bridgette baby. I licked whip cream off her thigh, she carried me around on her back and used my shirt to wipe off her sweat. It was spectacular. Bridget is SUCH A FORCE OF NATURE and her show was hilarious and wild. A mix of comedy and singing this is exactly what downtown NYC feels to me. Joe’s Pub is iconic and honestly my favorite venue to see anything in NYC. If you aren’t familiar with Bridget check out her show Somebody Somewhere on HBO. It’s one of my favorite shows of the last few years. She preforms at Joe’s usually a few times a year.
you are prime, and so is your writing and creative mind!
Loved this write up! Will check out Tore soon!